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 â„–108754[Last 50 Posts][Quote]

You are Nate Higgers. A few days ago, you witnessed your friend, Santa Cob, get beheaded by a genetically spliced Jeffrey Epstein. You worried, then grieved. However, Jeff didn't stop at killing Santa. He kidnapped the corpse. You've spent the past few days sitting in Santa's office and browsing the Sh@rty.

BEGIN

You hear a knock at the door. You wonder who it could be.

(Brenton Tarrant and Chuudler are on the other side, don't worry)

 â„–108953[Quote]

>>108951
Do they have a way to communicate if they split up?

 â„–108954[Quote]

>>108953
yes, phones are universal

 â„–108955[Quote]

>>108954
Elf feral and tarrant should stay in the car while the rest take the sewers. Pincer the UN

 â„–108956[Quote]

>>108954
Also yeah shoot the jartcuks, cant have any info getting back to stein

 â„–108957[Quote]

>>108954
if you split up then if they do get arrested in the van you can contact them and you won't all go to jail, so i'd say half mans the van and the other half ventures into the sewers

 â„–108958[Quote]

>>108955
tarrant puts an eyepatch on to look cool o algo

 â„–108959[Quote]

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>>108952
>>108953
>>108954
>>108955
>>108956
>>108957
You shoot up the place santa doesn't visitbad boys, then drive away, to the UN building.
You reach a manhole and plan for most of your team to enter the UN that way. Only Brenton Yarrant and Elf Feral will stay in the van.
Is this okay?

 â„–108960[Quote]

>>108959
Tarrant is armed and can contact the party if anything goes wrong. It should be fine

 â„–108961[Quote]

>>108959
Methinks choodler should stay in reserve, ready to hop in on either side

 â„–108962[Quote]


 â„–108963[Quote]

going to sleep, 'night everyone

 â„–108964[Quote]

>>108963
goodnight we'll keep the bread alive

 â„–108965[Quote]

>>108964
thanks ansd good night

 â„–108966[Quote]


 â„–108967[Quote]

>>108966
good night

 â„–108968[Quote]

Live on!!!!!!

 â„–108969[Quote]

This bread will not! Let your heart be bright!

 â„–108970[Quote]

breaddy

 â„–108971[Quote]

viva la cob

 â„–108972[Quote]

still up even after i slept

 â„–108973[Quote]

come back saar

 â„–108974[Quote]

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>>108960
>>108959
You proceed with the plan. You climb down the manhole, while Brenton drives away

In the sewer, you encounter a rat. He says
>To pass, you must pay a cheese toll.
None of your party has the cheese. Any substitutes?

 â„–108975[Quote]

>>108974
nate takes one of his green fingers off because it's like moldy cheese

 â„–108976[Quote]

>>108974
lou reed gives the rat one of the mcdonalds gift cards

 â„–108977[Quote]

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>>108975
You chop off one of your fingers and give it to the rat.
>Mmm… even better!
He sinks into the water. The rats won't disturb you now.

 â„–108978[Quote]

>>108977
continue through the sewers

 â„–108979[Quote]

>>108977
they continue through the sewers and find a snowflake on the ground

 â„–108980[Quote]

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>>108978
The rest of your travel is uneventful. You find a sign that says
>NWO PROPERTY
>tresspassers VILL be shot
With a cardslot beside it.
This must be the UN's septic system.

 â„–108981[Quote]

>>108980
an evil zombie rabbi with red eyes appears (from the right side, not from the door)

 â„–108982[Quote]

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>>108981
An evil grinch rabbi zombie sorcerer appears. He says
>Move along, pal.

 â„–108983[Quote]

HOHOHO!

 â„–108984[Quote]

>>108982
easter al-cobby throws a bibisi magazine at him and asks if we can proceed

 â„–108985[Quote]

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>>108984
Eastern Cobby gives a bibisi magazine to the evil rabbi.
>gogogo, okay, pal. Our turrets need some calibrating, anyway.
He opens the door.

 â„–108986[Quote]

>>108985
the nwo tunnel has 5 computers for gooning and the people in there have nwo passes around their neck

 â„–108987[Quote]

>>108986
goonclown is also there, his charred corpse was healed like santa was, and now xhe works for the israelis

 â„–108988[Quote]

>>108987
back when nate and chuud threw him into the fire place

 â„–108989[Quote]

>>108987
xhe has a health bar above xis head

 â„–108990[Quote]

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>>108986
The tunnel has nothing of the sort, because they're not Rudolfs. It's multiple rooms of pain.

 â„–108991[Quote]

HOHOHO!

 â„–108992[Quote]

>>108990
ted rants about the electronic turrets

 â„–108993[Quote]

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>>108992
Postal Ted has another rant
>Everything is automated, even security? This is outrageous! Albeit I would probably spike my house with dozens of traps myself, especially nowadays.

 â„–108994[Quote]

>>108993
nate asks if the turrets can be disabled for another one of easter cobbys bibisi magazines

 â„–108995[Quote]

>>108993
they go in the room with the turrets, and nate shoves his TWP into the barrels and cooms in them, causing them to malfunction and explode

 â„–108996[Quote]

>>108995
his coom is sparkly green because of the crystal

 â„–108997[Quote]

rolan
more than 6 or digits = success
less than 3 = death

 â„–108998[Quote]

>>108997
that was close

 â„–108999[Quote]

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>>108996
>>108995
>>108994
Nate asks if the turrets can be disabled for a bribe of an extra bibisi magazine.
The evil rabbi says
>Go Believe in the magic of christmas!rself.
Nate takes matters into his own hands and makes love to the turret's barrels, cooming in both of them.
When he returns, they both explode like a heckin' Christmas miracle.
First room clear
If this post ends in odds, the rabbi notices and engages in combat with the Brapvengers.

 â„–109000[Quote]

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The next room is a drawbridge and crocodiles. Even if the crocodiles were friendly, the drawbridge blocks the way.
One of the crocs says
>Come on, jump the gap… You know you want to…

 â„–109001[Quote]

>>109000
nate pees in the water, bringing it to surface level and killing the crocs, he uses one of them as a battering ram

 â„–109002[Quote]

>>109000
electrocute the water with your taser

 â„–109003[Quote]

rolan piss, 2, 7 or digits = lethal

 â„–109004[Quote]

rolan tazer efficiency

 â„–109005[Quote]

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Nate pisses in the water, hoping it'll be lethal. It merely infuriates the crocs.
Next, he tazes the water. This kills 2 out of 3 of the crocs.
The remaining crocodile charges at Nate and pushes him over.
How do you defend Nate?

 â„–109006[Quote]

>>109005
call in your buddy duke nukem from the hit game duke nukem 3D

 â„–109007[Quote]

>>109005
nate hits the croc with his BGC, but this only stuns the croc for 3 turns

 â„–109008[Quote]

rolan (digits / 3 = stun time)
rolan, if evens, duke arrives

 â„–109009[Quote]

>>109008
1 turn

 â„–109010[Quote]

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>>109006
>>109007
>>109008
Nate smacks the crocodile with his bigisi (BGC), stunning it for the turn. This buys him enough time to call Duke Nukem.
Just as the croc is ready to strike again, Duke Nukem blasts him in the face.
He enters the screen and puts one more shell into the creature, finishing it off.
>Bite my ass, reptile scum!
Officially, he's here to stay. He probably hates the NWO.

 â„–109011[Quote]

>>109010
Since duke is stronger, he's the one to use the croc as a battering ram

 â„–109012[Quote]

rolan
if evens, success
if odds or digits, backfires (digits are le bad this roll)

 â„–109013[Quote]

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>>109011
Duke Nukem hops on the croc boLet your heart be bright!s and uses the one he shot as a battering ram.
BAM!
The drawbridge's lock disengage and it falls onto the water.
Unfortunately, Duke Nukem falls beneath. He's now drowning and will drown to death in 5 turns.
Attempt to rescue him?

 â„–109014[Quote]

>>109010
As if that is enough to take down the ol' duke…
But try and lift the bridge anyway in case he's unconscious

 â„–109015[Quote]

>>109014
He isn't unconcious but the bridge is quite heavy and the body of water is taller than him.

 â„–109016[Quote]

rolan lift attempt
only 4 or 8 = success

 â„–109017[Quote]

>>109013
meanwhile, satoko arrives in court after xhe was arrested

 â„–109018[Quote]

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>>109014
Nate tries to lift the bridge, but he can barely get his fingers in between. The other Brapvengers show up to check out the commotion.

 â„–109019[Quote]

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>>109017
Satoko has reached the court. The judge says that he's been found guilty of obstructing justice and resisting arrest, and also of multiple charges aiding criminals. He can get his sentence suspended if he rats out his friends. Does he do this?

 â„–109020[Quote]

>>109018
Ted can lift the board slightly due to his previous cabin building skills.

 â„–109021[Quote]

>>109019
he is ESL so what he says makes no sense

 â„–109022[Quote]

>>109019
satoko tell the judge xhe needs to go to the bathroom because xhe ate a taco beforehand and his stomach hurts

 â„–109023[Quote]

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>>109020
Ted wedges his pry bar into the bridge. If evens or digits, this successfully opens up the bridge a little.

 â„–109024[Quote]

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Ted fails to open the bridge. 3 turns left.

 â„–109025[Quote]

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>>109021
>>109022
Satoko mumbled, none of it is understood, confirming that he's ESL.
<Even if you're latinx, I can't just let you go.
>Can me go to bathroom o algo?
<Sure.
The cop escorts Satoko to the bathroom and he begins brapping and sharting at the toilet.

 â„–109026[Quote]

>>109024
easter cobby plants explosives to break the bridge

 â„–109027[Quote]

>>109025
the smell is so bad that the cop passes out

 â„–109028[Quote]

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>>109026
Easter Cobby plants a small explosive.
Evens = success
Odds = failure
digits = success but hurt duke a little

 â„–109029[Quote]

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The bridge deforms a little but it isn't dislodged. Duke is unaffected by the blast. 2 turns left.

 â„–109030[Quote]

>>109029
worst luck ever award

 â„–109031[Quote]

>>109030
you can retry solutions with similar luck

 â„–109032[Quote]

or get nukem oxygen

 â„–109033[Quote]

>>109030
Easter Cobby receives a worst luck ever award

 â„–109034[Quote]

File: Untitled40_20241204132854.png 📥︎ (457.83 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>109033
A worst luck ever award materializes on Eastern Cobby's chest. No turns are used. Still 2 turns left.

 â„–109035[Quote]

>>109034
uh… have a24 shoot those metal things with his gun, i dont know

 â„–109036[Quote]

>>109029
nate pees on the bridge and tases it attempting to burn it

 â„–109037[Quote]

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>>109035
>>109036
A24 shoots the metal hinges while Nate pisses and tazes the bridge.

First roll
if evens, success
Second roll
Only 5 works

 â„–109038[Quote]

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The bridge finally snaps. Duke Nukem emerges from it. He's rescued from drowning, but the bridge's function is ruined. You gain trust and respect from Duke Nukem, solidifying him as a member of your party.
You may proceed.

 â„–109039[Quote]

I'll try to do less rolls in the future because that section was bullraisin

 â„–109040[Quote]

do this >>109027 o algo

 â„–109041[Quote]

>>109038
cross the bridge then

 â„–109042[Quote]

>>109040
then satoko (barely) fits into the cops uniform as a disguise

 â„–109043[Quote]

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>>109027
The braps knock the cop out.

 â„–109044[Quote]


 â„–109045[Quote]

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>>109042
>>109044
Satoko puts on the cop's disguise. It takes a phenomenal amount of effort, but he makes it fit. He'll pass as any old mutt cop.

 â„–109046[Quote]

>>109045
satoko covers the unconscious cop in raisin to make him a raisinskin and puts him on the toilet so people think he's still in there

 â„–109047[Quote]

>>109045
he leaves the bathroom and leaves the door open, causing the smell to go all through the building

 â„–109048[Quote]

taking a small break

 â„–109049[Quote]

>>109048
marge this is big break

 â„–109050[Quote]

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>>>9277968
>marge this is big break

 â„–109051[Quote]

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>>109050
No soydueling good boydy!

 â„–109052[Quote]

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>>109041
The next room isn't a trap, but it had 2 NWO solLet your heart be bright!rs guarding it with P90's.
>Halt! Show your ID's!



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