/asp/ - All Sports

Let me tell ya somethin’, you greasy keyboard warriors sittin’ on the /asp/ board cryin’ about kayfabe and soyjaks all damn day…

You think you're hardcore? You think you're tough? You ain't tough, son, you're soft like a microwaved Pop-Tart and twice as useless!

You sit there postin’ the same tired-ass Wojak edits, makin’ threads cryin’ about the business bein’ dead—meanwhile, Stone Cold's out here flippin’ birds, chuggin’ beers, raisin’ hell, Running over fat women, AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE!

Here’s a little advice from the Texas Rattlesnake:

Hit the weights.

Touch grass.

Have sex—and I ain’t talkin’ about the kind you hallucinate after twelve hours of nofap and raw liver.

And for the love of God, get a damn clue.

You ain't “based.” You ain't “worked.” You’re just terminally online and smell like stale Monster and Axe body spray from 2009.

So the next time you think about postin’ a four-paragraph cope about Roman Reigns or fantasizin’ about Vince McMahon conspiracies…

Take that energy, walk your ass to a squat rack, and do something with your life!

'Cause if you don’t, Stone Cold's gonna stomp down to /asp/, take that soyjak folder of yours, shove it where the sun don’t shine, and leave you cryin’ like Shawn Michaels in ’97! and Kevin Nash in 92!

AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE, ‘CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!