>>198087You really thought you could get away with not capitalizing "American"?
Buddy, the moment I saw that lowercase "a", I initiated Protocol Stars & Stripes. I reverse-engineered your IP address through seven layers of NATO-compliant fiber optics while reciting the Declaration of Independence backwards. I contacted three different embassy liaisons, a retired Cold War cryptographer, and an Arkansas-based amateur radio club to triangulate your location.
I infiltrated your town's online cheese festival forum and posed as your neighbor’s cousin’s ex. I learned your grandma’s casserole recipe, earned the trust of your childhood dog (still remembers you, by the way), and ghostwrote your 7th grade book report on The Outsiders. Your Spotify Wrapped? I curated that.
And for what? Just to sit across from you, in your dimly lit European apartment, hand you a Chicago-style deep dish pizza, and say, "It's American. Capital 'A'. Show some respect."
Then I vanished, like affordable healthcare in a privatized system. 🇺🇸