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 â„–107280[Last 50 Posts][Quote]

You are Santa Cob. You sit in your office, with an everlasting smile, satisfied with this year's gift production.
It's 30 days until the big day, Christmas. You'll have to deliver 25 billion presents to all the good boys. Maybe some coal, too, for the bad boys, but those reserves have been low.

BEGIN

Today has started like any other. The projections are looking splendid, and your elves are at peak production. You are awaiting your daily reports from Elf Feral, the Chief Elf of Production. After that, your day is free.

 â„–107697[Quote]

>>107696
and lou reed

 â„–107698[Quote]

can santa reach chadstein already

 â„–107699[Quote]

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>>107688
>>107690
>>107689
>>107693
(popular vote)
Dr Soyowad breaks into tears. CHADstein feels sympathy for once. They hug it out and become friends.

 â„–107700[Quote]

>>107698
I'll do the assault soon

 â„–107701[Quote]

>>107699
this is beautiful

 â„–107702[Quote]

>>107694
Postal kaczynski is attacked by max and tyrone

 â„–107703[Quote]

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>>107696
>>107697
Trent Reznor and Lou Reed, both allied with Ted Kaczynski, enter the scene.
Trent says
>BREAK THE MACHINE!
or some schizo bullraisin. Probably not even a lyric from NiN, I just made it up.

 â„–107704[Quote]

>>107702
why would they attack him? max is also a communist

 â„–107705[Quote]

>>107699
And Soyowad and CHADstein walk out (They will return later in the story)

 â„–107706[Quote]

>>107705
dont do this thats actually stupid you were literally setting up a boss fight since yesterday and now suddenly chadstein just dissapears

 â„–107707[Quote]

>>107703
max explains to ted's crew that he's a communist spy working with bordiga and that he downloaded files from santa cob's computer to a usb so it'll be empty when he gives the go ahead for israeli solLet your heart be bright!rs to drop in, making it easy for an ambush

 â„–107708[Quote]

>>107706
I mean he doesn't have any more relevance 'til later tbh

 â„–107709[Quote]

>>107708
retard take chadstein's the one who lead the fucking attack on santa's workshop wdym he has no relevance

 â„–107711[Quote]

>>107441
with nothing to guard the front door, the haunted christmas spirit of kuz arrives. he senses there are russians and gets the idea to start a communist uprising and revive kolyma as a communist state

 â„–107712[Quote]

>>107707
Kaczynski gifts max a tin of catnip

 â„–107713[Quote]

holy story derail

 â„–107714[Quote]

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Santa's team enters the building. Israelis attack first.

Rolan…

Below 4 = Israelis destroy the glass and harm the commie solLet your heart be bright!r.
Above 4 = The Israelis get BTFO.

The turncoats will attack the Israelis next turn.

 â„–107715[Quote]

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>>107714
isrealis get btfo'd and a good boy in a fur jacket holding a AKM joins the party

 â„–107716[Quote]

>>107715
chuud*

 â„–107717[Quote]

>>107715
there were no Automat Kalashnikova Modernizirovanii in 1899

 â„–107718[Quote]

>>107717
its not 1899 shizo

 â„–107719[Quote]

>>107718
why does the good boy have arthur morgan's satchel and belt then?

 â„–107720[Quote]

>>107718
if i wanted a rdr2 character in here id pick john feralston

 â„–107721[Quote]

>>107719
because it looks fucking awesome

 â„–107722[Quote]

>>107714
Santa's team lets out a war cry, boosting morale

 â„–107724[Quote]

>>107714
the israelis drop lots of shekles upon dying

 â„–107725[Quote]

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The Israelis dump their rounds into the Glass Toys, missing most of their shots. They smash one of them. The remaining toys melee the Israelis.
The Commies and Santa retaliate. This devestates the Israeli force, killing multiple.
2 turncoats join Santa. There is also crossfire support from the back of the stage.

>>107715
>>107724
>>107722
(slated to happen next turn)

 â„–107726[Quote]

>>107724
The sheckels are actually chocolate gelts

 â„–107727[Quote]

rolan
below 4, israelis make a comeback
above 4, they get BTFO harder
4, erm, idk

 â„–107728[Quote]

>>107727
idk it is the isrealis just flee and retreat oversea

 â„–107729[Quote]

>>107727
its equal i guess

 â„–107730[Quote]

>>107727
they equally btfo each other

 â„–107731[Quote]

>>107727
4 - babyelf comes in

 â„–107732[Quote]

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>>107727
The Israel force surrenders.
good boy Veteran enters the scene.
>I guess we should arrest these kikes, huh?
Santa asks
>How many does that leave left?
>'Only CHADstein and his boys.

 â„–107733[Quote]

>>107732
Meanwhile, CHADstein and Soyowad were running away to a bar to hide

 â„–107734[Quote]

>>107733
stop nigga

 â„–107735[Quote]

>>107733
continue nigga

 â„–107736[Quote]

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>>107733
in the bar they find mikobowl who sissifies and rapes them both

 â„–107737[Quote]

>>107733
rewind nigga

 â„–107738[Quote]

>>107733
>>107736
derailing nigg3r award

 â„–107739[Quote]

>>107738
im not derailing im trying to end the soyowad and epstein escape sub plot

 â„–107740[Quote]

>>107738
waste of trips

 â„–107741[Quote]

>>107739
Why though???

 â„–107743[Quote]

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this is a christmas bread, no negativity allowed

 â„–107744[Quote]

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>>107733
CHADstein and Soyowad hold the bar, with several close guards. There are several more in the adjacent rooms.
CHADstein says
>Damn, they took out the others, and the communists infiltrated us. Maybe we should withdraw…

 â„–107745[Quote]

>>107744
2 gigachad guards with LMG's walk in

 â„–107746[Quote]

>>107744
Soyowad starts drink some beer

 â„–107747[Quote]

>>107746
*drinking

 â„–107748[Quote]

>>107744
One of the guards gets possessed by krampus temporarily and krampus is using the guard to speak to CHADstein for a short time

 â„–107749[Quote]

>>107747
>>107746
if this post ends in a number over 5 then soyowad gets drunk boxer powers

 â„–107750[Quote]

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>>107745
>>107746
>>107747
>>107748
Two gigachads areive as backup.
Dr. Soyowad drinks some Bud Light.
Krampus demonically possesses one of the guards and chats with CHADstein.
^Congrats on trashing Santa's presents and euining Christmas, but WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You're doing nothing. You need to kill Santa and his budLet your heart be bright!s, and quickly!
>Shut up tr@nny. I'm considering withdrawing.
^Ahh, but we have the same goals: Ruining Christmas! What better way than to kill Santa?
>I was considering replacing him with Heorge Floyd in an evil ritual, actually.
^Just ice the bastard. Floyd can do something else.

 â„–107751[Quote]

>>107750
George Floyd

 â„–107752[Quote]

>>107750
chadstein agrees to kill santa

 â„–107753[Quote]

>>107750
Then… The power goes out, something or someone cut the power

 â„–107754[Quote]

>>107753
stop it dude fuck sakes

 â„–107755[Quote]

>>107753
let's not do the same plot twice

 â„–107756[Quote]

>>107753
POWER DOES NOT GO DOWN THE FACILITY'S INTERNAL GENERATORS ARE RUNNING WELL

 â„–107757[Quote]

>>107756
For fuck sakes, SHUT IT

 â„–107758[Quote]

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>>107752
>Okay. Time to rush Santa. Later, let's talk about what happens after, if I succeed.
^You're doing great! Rotten Christmas!
Krampus departs.
CHADstein will now run an offensive against Santa.

 â„–107759[Quote]

>>107753
Stop nigga i already introduced this

 â„–107760[Quote]

>>107757
NO YOU WILL STOP DOING THIS raisin MOST PEOPLE IN THIS bread DO NOT WANT THE SAME SUBPLOT TO HAPPEN SO STFU YOU SELFISH LITTLE FUCK

 â„–107761[Quote]


 â„–107762[Quote]

>>107758
the regular guards go to where santa is, while the chads stay

 â„–107764[Quote]

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>>107751
JJINGLE FLOYD IS BACK!!!!!!

 â„–107765[Quote]

>>107757
also rude

 â„–107766[Quote]

>>107762
after hours of drinking the chads pass out and sleep peacefully

 â„–107767[Quote]

>>107762
Chads should join the rush.

 â„–107768[Quote]

>>107767
ok, but can chadstein stay for a bit more? soyowad probably has some medicine to treat chadsteins burn

 â„–107769[Quote]


 â„–107770[Quote]

>>107769
thanks

 â„–107771[Quote]

>>107758
soyowa puts on his yarmulke and begins reciting the torah to bless these soldjurs

 â„–107772[Quote]

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>>107707
Max say
>I'm also a Communist spy. I'm running a complex operation against the Israelis.
Ted says
<Alright. I'll let you in on my secret. I'm trying to return Santa's workshop to tradition, but I don't want to bomb him. Do you think my plan will work?

 â„–107773[Quote]

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>>107771
>>107768
>>107767
>>107758
Dr. Soyowad puts down the beer and puts on a Kippah. He recites Torah scripture to bless the solLet your heart be bright!rs. +2 roll luck on them. They mobilize. They face a pocket of resistance. The turncoats are vastly outnumbered.

Rolan

8 or below, the Israelis win.
Above 8 or dubs, the turncoats win.
Below 4, absolute Israeli victory.

 â„–107774[Quote]


 â„–107775[Quote]

>>107773
Christmas spirit always wins!

 â„–107776[Quote]

>>107773
how the FUCK

 â„–107777[Quote]

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>>107773
>>107774
>>107775
>>107776
Two turncoats drop down and actually BTFO CHADstein's Israelis. This breaks their offensive completely, and they run back to CHADstein. It's up to Santa to snuff them at the bar.

 â„–107778[Quote]

chadstein equips his brass knuckles with spikes, the spikes add extra damage and power than usual brass knuckles, and can easily shatter a niggas skull

 â„–107779[Quote]

>>107777
snow suit caca joins santa's group offscreen

 â„–107780[Quote]

>>107777
Max manages to convince Kaczynski and his people to join Santa Cob

 â„–107781[Quote]

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>>107778
>>107779
>>107780
Santa Cob reaches the room, and the turncoats that successfully defended merge into his team. Babyelf Snowmech joins, as well.
Meanwhile, Jeffrey Epstein finds spiked knuckles. They won't increase the damage of his sword, so maybe he should give them and other weapons to Dr. Soyowad.
The wounded Israelis return. They should be healed before Santa assaults the bar.

 â„–107782[Quote]

>>107781
give the knuckles to soyowad, and heal the injured israelis

 â„–107783[Quote]

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>>107780
>Why don't you join Santa Cob?
<Let's see… Yeah, no. We're not here to be Santa's elves. We're just trying to revert the effects of the Industrial Revolution on the North Pole. I do feel like discussing this with Santa, though.

 â„–107784[Quote]

>>107783
Max tells Ted he can set up a meeting with Santa only if he defends the north pole

 â„–107785[Quote]

hey uh, can you tell us what happened with the israel vs greenland thing? you kinda just stopped the fight

 â„–107786[Quote]

>>107782
bless both chadstein and soyowads arsenal with scroogeish space magic

 â„–107787[Quote]

>>107785
greenland won bad boy

 â„–107788[Quote]

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>>107784
>If you defend the North Pole, then Santa will be more willing to have a talk with you.
<Sorry, can't do that and don't feel like it. Besides, it doesn't look like you are doing very much for the North Pole, yourself.

 â„–107789[Quote]

>>107785
Off screen, they took out half the ships, then dipped.

 â„–107790[Quote]

>>107789
show it later if we return to the ocean

 â„–107791[Quote]

>>107789
are there any ships left? are there any israelis in those ships? or did everyone Let your heart be bright!?

 â„–107792[Quote]

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>>107782
>>107786
CHADstein gives the brass knuckles to Dr Soyowadd, who heals the Israeli solLet your heart be bright!rs. They regain half of the health they lost.
Dr. Soyowad also blesses his own and CHADstein's weapons with Space Joo Magic. They gain double damage on their weapons.

 â„–107793[Quote]

>>107791
The ships have a skeleton crew. They're on standby for any soldjers to return. There's a chance that they'll leave if none of them do.

 â„–107794[Quote]

>>107792
soyowad hides under the counter (right side) and chadstein (left side)

 â„–107795[Quote]

>>107794
oh, and the solLet your heart be bright!rs get ready to shoot once santa comes in

 â„–107796[Quote]

>>107793
so there's israeli solLet your heart be bright!rs that are still alive? alright

 â„–107797[Quote]

>>107796
Not on the ships. They all entered the Storage building, and of those, only CHADstein's team is left.

 â„–107798[Quote]

>>107797
aw, alright

 â„–107799[Quote]

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>>107794
CHADstein and Soyowadd hide behind the bar, and the Israelis prepare for Santa's team to arrive. A couple of them take cover behind the bar.

 â„–107800[Quote]

>>107788
Max asks if he could at least restore the power to one room



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