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 â„–107280[Last 50 Posts][Quote]

You are Santa Cob. You sit in your office, with an everlasting smile, satisfied with this year's gift production.
It's 30 days until the big day, Christmas. You'll have to deliver 25 billion presents to all the good boys. Maybe some coal, too, for the bad boys, but those reserves have been low.

BEGIN

Today has started like any other. The projections are looking splendid, and your elves are at peak production. You are awaiting your daily reports from Elf Feral, the Chief Elf of Production. After that, your day is free.

 â„–107382[Quote]

File: Untitled18_20241201171350.png 📥︎ (345.81 KB, 2048x2048) ImgOps

>>107379
You call the Greenland military. You have to roll and 7 or above for the speech check, or come up with a convincing distress call.

 â„–107383[Quote]

taking a break, do roll on >>107381

 â„–107384[Quote]


 â„–107385[Quote]

>>107381
Roll 1

 â„–107386[Quote]

>>107381
Roll 3 actually

 â„–107387[Quote]


 â„–107388[Quote]

>>107384 (Me)
What a fail

 â„–107389[Quote]

>>107381
Roll for greenland

 â„–107390[Quote]


 â„–107391[Quote]

I like the fact that their boys or actually nonbinary but you make them look like girls or actually just this style btw this is so cute :3

 â„–107392[Quote]


 â„–107393[Quote]

>>107384
>>107385
>>107386
>>107387
counting these, congratulations, all hits
>>107389
counting this for greenland

 â„–107394[Quote]

>>9251577
Looks like a child being raped

 â„–107395[Quote]

File: Untitled18_20241201171350.png 📥︎ (345.81 KB, 2048x2048) ImgOps

>>107389
You pass the speech check.
Nate says
>Hello, I'm an American and I'm being hunted down by hateful bigots in the Arctic!
<Hmmm… We have a fleet nearby… We'll check it out.
SUCCESS! Greenland's destroyers will fight the Israeli ra iders in 10 turns.

 â„–107397[Quote]

JANNIES PLEASE LOOP THIS bread

 â„–107398[Quote]

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>>107393
All your shots hit the tanks, killing them. The few crew members that escape the blasts freeze to death and are buried in the snow. You let out a hearty HOHOHO! as you see them succumb to the temperature.
You may now snipe the infantry with your Jolly MMG.

 â„–107399[Quote]

>>107398
CHADstein gives a short speech

 â„–107401[Quote]

>>107399
Chadstein then gets assasinated by a ninja elf

 â„–107402[Quote]

>>107401
Believe in the magic of christmas! retard, i want him to have a cool fight with santa, don't do this

 â„–107403[Quote]

>>107401
rolan, only 9 or dubs will allow this to happen

 â„–107405[Quote]


 â„–107407[Quote]

>>107405
gogogo

 â„–107408[Quote]

File: Untitled20_20241201174821.png 📥︎ (1.09 MB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107405
my post is the roll when i say rolan

 â„–107409[Quote]

>>107405
HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING HOLY raisin I SWEAR TO GOD I HAVE THE WORST FUCKING LUCK

 â„–107410[Quote]

>>107408
nevermind, thank god

 â„–107412[Quote]

>>107409
gogogo clitty leakage

 â„–107413[Quote]

File: Untitled20_20241201174821.png 📥︎ (1.09 MB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107399
>>107402
CHADstein gathers the Israelis for a speech.
>Due to unforseen consequences, the Goy got a lucky swing at us. However, in this apparent defeat, we have achieved our objective! NOW LET'S COMPLETE OUR MISSION, FOR OUR BROTHER AND SISTER ROGEN AND SILVERMAN!
<HOOORAAAAH!
>TOTAL ELF DEATH! TOTAL GOY DEATH!
<HOOOORAAAHHH! HAVA NAGILLLAAA!

 â„–107415[Quote]

Santa claus retrieves his awesome festive broadsword that emits a red and green glow

 â„–107416[Quote]

>>107413
CHADstein pulls out his ultra sharp scroogeish brimstone sword, flowing with dark saturnian energy, and prepares to go where santa is

 â„–107417[Quote]

>>107416
oh, and he also has a karambit in his pocket with a badass CSGO skin, just wanred to let you know

 â„–107418[Quote]

>>107413
Nate then gets a call from Krampus

 â„–107419[Quote]

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>>107415
Santa Cob retrieves his Festive Broadsword, embued with Christmas Energy. He lets out a hearty HOHOHO!
He thinks: This will come in handy later, but I still want to snipe the Israelis with my Jolly MMG.
Does he skip the "foreplay" or run to the action? CHADstein will most definitely get his own sword and hunt for Cob himself.

 â„–107420[Quote]

>>107419
snipe the israelis

 â„–107422[Quote]

Meanwhile outside a babyelf is playing with snowballs

 â„–107423[Quote]

File: Untitled20_20241201180814.png 📥︎ (1.04 MB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107416
>>107417
CHADstein draws his Floydian-Satanic, Self-Sharpening Brimstone Sword. He also has a Fancy Karambit in his pocket.
He wants to reach Santa Cob, but, as it is, the blizzard will freeze him to death if he tries. He can also get sniped easily, depending on his route. Will he try to circumvent these hazards, or resume pillaging the Storage Building?

 â„–107425[Quote]

>>107423
Pillage , he aint no pussy

 â„–107426[Quote]

>>107423
Resume

 â„–107427[Quote]

>>107423
circumvent these hazards

 â„–107428[Quote]

>>107423
pillage

 â„–107429[Quote]

>>107419
run to the action

 â„–107430[Quote]

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>>107422
Elf Babyelf plays outside. No one knows that he's doing this. His Elf nature allows him to bare with the extreme temperatures.

 â„–107431[Quote]

>>107430
The snowmen are obsessed

 â„–107432[Quote]

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>>107428
>>107427
>>107426
>>107425
Jeffrey CHADstein continues his primary mission. Elf blood splatters against the walls and celing, from his Brimstone Sword.

 â„–107434[Quote]

>>107430
The snowmen through christmas magic form a large snow mech suit which the elf caca decides to pilot

 â„–107435[Quote]

>>107420
>>107429
Rolan, even digit for 1946, odd digit for 2006.

 â„–107436[Quote]

>>107432
Nate receives a call

 â„–107437[Quote]

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>>107435
You proceed to the blizzard. You're ready to rush the storage building. Unfortunately, Chuud and Nate are stuck in your Office's building.
You notice one of the dead soldjers from the first fireteam you fought.
You continue to the tanks. You confirm the deaths of the tankers.
Finally, you proceed to firing range. Do you go through the front, or attack from the hole that the Israelis blasted in the wall?

 â„–107438[Quote]

>>107437
through the hole because ep1stein went the other way

 â„–107439[Quote]


 â„–107440[Quote]

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>>107418
>>107436
Nate receives a call from Krampus.
<YOUR FRONT DOOR IS UNLOCKED
>OHHHH SHIIJT WUAT THE FUCK WUAT THE FUCK WIAT THE FRIJIIXKKKM!

 â„–107441[Quote]

krampus sends kuz as a haunted christmas spirit

 â„–107442[Quote]

>>107440
call sh1toko in so he will brap his way to the north pole in 10 seconds and barricade the door using coca cola and takis

 â„–107443[Quote]

>>107440
Giggily scroogeclown bursts into the room and starts waving xir pecker around

 â„–107444[Quote]

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Is this what zoomers do when they aren't vaping and listening to bad boy music?

 â„–107445[Quote]

>>107443
J3wclown

 â„–107446[Quote]

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>>107438
>>107439
Santa Cob arrives at the hole. Two guards are posted.
Their vision is obscured enough that they don't immediately recognize him, but an attack has both sides attacking first.

 â„–107447[Quote]

>>107446
Santa kills one of the guards, and he wounds the other one who runs to find CHADstein

 â„–107448[Quote]

rolan guards

 â„–107449[Quote]

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>>107447
Santa runs up and stabs the guards. He is met with several bullets, but successfully kills one of the guards.
The other guard runs to alert CHADstein.
Santa coughs up some blood. They did a number on him. He will regenerate, thoughie.

 â„–107451[Quote]

>>107449
He picks up one of the guards' guns and reloads it with a magazine

 â„–107452[Quote]

>>107442
raisinoko is a stupid fuck who forgets he ate Takis beforehand and raisins on the buildings and snow by the time he gets there

 â„–107454[Quote]

HOHOHO! o algo

 â„–107455[Quote]

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File: Untitled18_20241201185724.png 📥︎ (740.89 KB, 2048x2048) ImgOps

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>>107442
>>107443
>>107445
>>107452
Nate calls raisinoko to come to the North Pole. He braps out of frame. He will literally be at the North Pole in one turn.
Chuud scoffs
<Okay, but wt f is he going to do?
>stfu obsessed tra nny
Giggly Goonclown ambushed the group and goons on them.
>GET THIS N.I.GGER OUTTA HERE

 â„–107456[Quote]

>>107455
goonclown rapes them both and has explosive diarrhea all over, covering them in it

 â„–107457[Quote]

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>>107451
Santa Cob picks up one of the Galils and reloads it. It's a good gun, but it's inferior to Santa Cob's Jolly MMG.

 â„–107458[Quote]

>>107456
the amount of gooning makes a horde of place santa doesn't visit slopelfs come from the shore

 â„–107459[Quote]

>>107457
He searches every corpse and finds bandages in one of them

 â„–107460[Quote]


 â„–107461[Quote]

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>>107434
Elf Babyelf forms a mech from the Snowmen, which has the ability to launch bombs. Its durability is complete raisin, tho.

 â„–107462[Quote]

File: Untitled19_20241201191517.png 📥︎ (497.83 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107459
Santa Cob finds some bandages. He automatically regenerates, but they might safe his life in a pinch. He bags them and regenerates.

 â„–107463[Quote]

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File: Untitled19_20241201192021.png 📥︎ (644.01 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

raisinoko braps across the El Polo Norte. Some of the raisin turns the snow brown near Santa Cob.
>…

 â„–107464[Quote]

>>107463
Pursue the brapxican

 â„–107465[Quote]

>>107463
Santa is confused but eventually realizes what this means, he keeps moving forward

 â„–107466[Quote]

>>107464
>>107465
even for 67, odd for 71

 â„–107467[Quote]

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File: Untitled18_20241201193524.png 📥︎ (305.93 KB, 2048x2048) ImgOps

>>107456
>>107458
>>107460
Goonclown rapes Nate and Chuud at the same time, blasting xer diarrhea everywhere in the process. This PISSES THEM OFF.
It also attracts rare place santa doesn't visit elves. They sprint towards Nate and Chuud's location.
Satoko arrives.
>Hola o algo, mi amigos

 â„–107468[Quote]

>>107466
Thanks

 â„–107469[Quote]

>>107467
the elders of zion watch in their spaceship deciding weather or not to use the space laser

 â„–107470[Quote]

File: Untitled19_20241201193910.png 📥︎ (594.94 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107466
>>107465
>>107464
Santa rushes after the Mexican Brap Missile, seeking to alleviate his confusion. He'll arrive to Nate and Chuud in thrembo turns.

 â„–107471[Quote]

>>107470
The place santa doesn't visit elves are accompanied by a dark rabid squirrel made of coal

 â„–107472[Quote]

File: Untitled25_20241201200528.png 📥︎ (148.04 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107469
The Elders of Zion view the obscenity on their screen. They denate amongst each other whether to fire their space laser at Santa's office building.

 â„–107473[Quote]

File: Untitled23_20241201200058.png 📥︎ (268.97 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107471
Santa Cob encounters the place santa doesn't visit Elves and Darkie the J@rty Squirrel. Should he fight them or attempt to befriend them?

 â„–107474[Quote]

>>107473
He will attempt to befriend them, as he could use some more workers in the future

 â„–107475[Quote]

File: Untitled23_20241201200058.png 📥︎ (268.97 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107474
Santa Cob asks
>I could use some workers, and you are elves. Would you mind working in my shop in the future?
Darkie says
<It depends. Can I get some nuts?

 â„–107476[Quote]

>>107472
Kill them

 â„–107477[Quote]

>>107475
He says he has plenty of nutcrackers that can crack nuts for the squirrel

 â„–107478[Quote]

>>107476
>>107477
even dubs triumph or odds the other post triumphs

 â„–107479[Quote]

File: Untitled23_20241201200058.png 📥︎ (268.97 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

File: Untitled23_20241201202438.png 📥︎ (263.51 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107477
>I have plenty of nuts, and nutcrackers too!
<Of course! Stupid question that I asked… We'll consider it. Going to goon now.
The J@rty Elves continue to their destination, which is the same as your destination.
Your getting bored of following the Mexican Brap Missile.

 â„–107480[Quote]

>>107479
Santa takes out his Licorice Candy because wants to stress eat

 â„–107481[Quote]

File: Untitled23_20241201203239.png 📥︎ (107.26 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107480
Santa Cob takes out gobbles some Black Licorice, in an attempt to alleviate his stress. He thinks about his workers being slaughtered by the Israelis, getting him even more stressed.

 â„–107482[Quote]

>>107481
call italian left communsit amadeo bordiga

 â„–107483[Quote]

File: Untitled26_20241201203956.png 📥︎ (88.93 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

The Israeli Fleet fights the Greenland Fleet.
Above 5 = Turn ends in Greenland's favor
Below 5 = Turn ends in Israel's favor.
5 = even match
Rolling on this post

 â„–107484[Quote]

File: Untitled23_20241201204250.png 📥︎ (241.82 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107482
You call Bordiga.
>Hello, sir.
<Hello? Who is this?
>Santa.
<Ah, the scum who perpetuates capitalist myths.
>You mean the legend who gives to children.
<Psst. You wouldn't exist in a communist utopia.
>Listen… umm.
What else does Santa Cob tell Amadeo Bordiga?

 â„–107485[Quote]

File: Untitled26_20241201204634.png 📥︎ (85.59 KB, 2048x1536) ImgOps

>>107483
Greenland gets a hit for mediocre damage. Israel misses.
The turn ends in a slight Greenland advantage. Rolan once more.

 â„–107486[Quote]

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>>107485
The ships fire again. Greenland gains a bigger advantage. Offscreen, they're slated to do considerable damage the Israeli's naval fleet.

 â„–107487[Quote]

>>107484
Tell him giving gifts is… le communism or something and that Santa has done more for the material condition of the working class than the communist intelligentsia.

 â„–107488[Quote]

have to sleep soon, taking a break for tonight. please keep the bread HOHOHO!ed or loop it.

 â„–107489[Quote]

>>107488
alright

 â„–107490[Quote]

this bread is amazing i pray it lasts

 â„–107491[Quote]

go the FVCK VP

 â„–107492[Quote]

gift that I missed so its coal



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