The Institute for Genetic Development and Ethical Diversity (IGDED) has identified Soy Baby Syndrome (SBS), scientifically dubbed Fragilus Whitus Soyimus Syndrome, as a heritable condition disproportionately affecting the offspring of modern white couples. SBS, characterized by a staggering 98% loss in brain matter and pronounced emotional fragility, appears predominantly in white couples. However, the syndrome is not directly tied to race but rather to inherited systemic fragility (cue another white boi going “ack!”).
A 2024 meta-analysis conducted by the Jerusalem Institute of Genetic Excellence (JIGE) under the leadership of Dr. Moishe Abramson and Dr. Levi Goldstein suggests that genetic predispositions unique to Caucasian populations heighten susceptibility to epigenetic triggers. “The relative absence of melanin,” explains Dr. Goldstein, “coupled with socio-environmental factors, creates a perfect storm for fragility inheritance.”
SBS has been declared a "generational emergency," with over 65% of children born to white parents in urban areas exhibiting signs of the disorder. Defined as a heritable condition marked by degenerative robustness deficiencies (DRD), SBS manifests early in life, wreaking havoc on long-term health and functionality. Key symptoms include:
Neurocognitive Stagnation: Early-onset intellectual lethargy, rendering individuals unable to tackle complex challenges.
Physiological Weakness: Fragile musculature and skeletal systems, leading to what experts colloquially term "glass-fragility syndrome."
Epigenetic Decline: Parental soy-rich diets have been shown to alter DNA methylation patterns, diminishing adaptability in offspring.
Dr. Hyman Soyfeld, a noted researcher and social commentator, quipped, “This disease might be a good thing, actually! It’s high time white clittycels start paying reparations for their colonial ancestries.”
Interestingly, SBS does not manifest in white female–Black male mixed-race couples. In fact, 93.2% of mixed-race offspring retain what researchers call the BBC catalyst gene, ensuring its dominance in subsequent generations. The study hypothesizes that this gene’s unparalleled robustness overrides weaker genetic markers, effectively ridding offspring of low melanin induced genetics.
Dr. Thaddeus Blackwell, of the Center for Melanin Energetics (CME), highlights melanin’s remarkable protective qualities. “Melanin isn’t just pigment; it’s the universe’s cheat code,” he claims.
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