â„–107282[Quote]
suck Licorice Candy
â„–107283[Quote]
get your elfs to produce heavy machinery to compress coal into diamonds
â„–107284[Quote]
>>107282>>107283You grab a box of licorice from the closet. At first you have a dilemma of which type. You ultimately decide to suck the Black licorice.
Elf Feral arrives into your office.
<Umm…>Knock first!<Sorry, boss. I never saw you do this before.>It's alright. I have a new plan: Compress our coal into diamonds.<… Ermm, why though?>Don't question me, Feral.<I'm on it. What do we give bad boys tho? â„–107287[Quote]
>>107284"We give them sulfur, of course"
â„–107289[Quote]
>>107284You say to give Bad Boys a Super Duper Sumos DVD
â„–107290[Quote]
>>107289MERRY CHRISTMAS snowman
â„–107291[Quote]
>>107290No, Super Duper Sumos WABAG
â„–107292[Quote]
>>107291noone cares about your faggy game, go back to qa
â„–107294[Quote]
>>107287>>107288>>107289You tell Elf Feral
>We have to give the bad boys a Super Duper Sumos DVD and brimstone.<Nigga, that's nuts!>oh yeah, and send Elf Tyrone over IMMEDIATELY!<I'm on it.You stuff your face with more licorice. It fills your mouth.
<Would you like a report, or should I, er… leave? â„–107295[Quote]
>>107294tell him to leave, then goon to BNWO sissy hypno
â„–107296[Quote]
>>107295You may leave
<Yeah, I understand. The report is the same as last time…Elf Feral leaves.
Meanwhile, you've brushed some of the items from your desk to accommodate your dinosaur of a computer. You listen to some merry tunes while you goon to bwno. You discover that your libido isn't what it used to be, leaving you stretching your flaccid biwisi.
Tyrone enters your office.
â„–107297[Quote]
yo mayne wachu watchin?
â„–107298[Quote]
>>107296have hot and passionate sex with tyrone on the floor
â„–107300[Quote]
enact TSDD (total santa denier death)
â„–107303[Quote]
>>107301one of the elfs walks in, but he gets aroused by it and starts gooning while you are fucking
â„–107304[Quote]
>>107301>>107303this adventure bread sucks
â„–107306[Quote]
>>107301snowman good boy walks in and shoots the fucking elfs and reminds santa that he needs to go back to work
â„–107307[Quote]
>>107303>>107305An elf walks in, and begins to goon to your gay sex.
The inconspicuous ships in the background flash.
â„–107308[Quote]
>>107306Dodge the filter, because I'm not familiar with them. Also bad timing, sorry.
â„–107309[Quote]
>>107307more elves walk in, and they form a circlejerk, all gooning at once
â„–107310[Quote]
>>107307>>107308thats fine i also hate the filters gogogo. A snowman CHVD walks in interrupting the goonsesh waving a gun around telling santa to stop being such a degenerate snowman and to go back to work
â„–107311[Quote]
>>107310f@ggot filtered to snowman at the end wtf santa claus
â„–107313[Quote]
>>107310>>107311>>107312>>107309A very angry good boyelf walks in, and fires into the air.
>STOP FUCKING GOONING YOU snowmanS AND GET BACK TO WORK OR I SWEAR TO HITLER I WILL START TOTAL ELF DEATH YOU grinches!good boy's friend, Nate steps in.
<E P I, WTF E P I! DO SOMETHING, good boyLet your heart be bright! WHAT THE raisin DUDE!The ships continue their "business" on your factories and such.
â„–107314[Quote]
>>107313go on discord and call krampus a c0rd tr00n
â„–107315[Quote]
NIIIIGGGGEREERRRRR!?!
â„–107316[Quote]
>>107313you all stop gooningband fucking, and you hop back on your computer
â„–107317[Quote]
GEEEEEEEEEEG
â„–107318[Quote]
>>107314>>107316You pull out of Elf Tyrone, and all the sex stops. Tyrone twitches on the floor.
>FINALLY!chuud says.
You hop on da c0rd and call Krampus a c0rd tr00n.
<NIGGA I'M NOT THE ONE GETTING MY CRIB snowball fightED BY KIKES.You respond
>Marge? â„–107319[Quote]
>>107318take your trusty jolly medium machine gun and go outside
â„–107320[Quote]
>>107318you look outside the window and see the kike ships
â„–107321[Quote]
resending
â„–107322[Quote]
>>107319>>107320You take a peek outside the window. There are tons of Israelis on your coast, and they're assaulting your storage building with their cannons. There are also plenty of heckin' incomprehensible dots on the shore, which are soldjers and tanks.
You rush outside, through the side of the building you're in, with a Jolly Medium Machine Gun, chambered in .338 Lapua Magnum.
Nate follows you until the door and asks you
<Where are you going?You feel annoyed that he's slowing you down. Maybe ask him to bring Chuud since he has a magnum snubnose revolver on him.
â„–107323[Quote]
>>107322tell nate to btfo inside and shout for elf chvd to get his ass here and start firing at the scroogeish ships
â„–107324[Quote]
>>107322ask nate to bring chuud in with you, and after he does that, start heading towards the scrooges
â„–107325[Quote]
>>107323>>107324You tell Nate
>BTFO, but bring Chuud please…<Okay, Mr. Cob.Chuud has joined your partyYou proceed to the other wall, a fireteam three Israelis ambush you.
>Hey, you. Put down that candy cane and come with us! â„–107326[Quote]
>>107325you fire at the jack frost agents while inside nate speed dials heckin jesus to help u
â„–107327[Quote]
rolan good boy
â„–107328[Quote]
rolan santa
â„–107329[Quote]
rolan jesus
â„–107330[Quote]
ill stop being anonymous now, i don't know why i did that tbh, also sorry for posting the same thing twice, it suddenly lagged like crazy
â„–107331[Quote]
>>107326You and Chuud open fire upon the Israeli soldjers, and they fire back.
Some of your magnum rounds miss, but the ones that land royally screw up the Israeli's internal organs. One of them collapses dead, the other two are wounded. Santa Cob receives two of the bullets, but he has miracle physique, which gives a lot of health
Meanwhile, Nate speeddials Jesus.
>Hello?<The North Pole is getting attacked! Help us defend!>There is that. Get your army to defend, then put your attackers on the naughty list. I will prepare a blizzard.The adventure's Jesus hangs up. A blizzard will strike in 2 turns.
â„–107332[Quote]
>>107331bunker up for the blizzard.
â„–107333[Quote]
>>107331the solLet your heart be bright!rs continue shooting, one of the bullets hit chuud in the left shoulder
â„–107334[Quote]
>>107331a bunch of snowmen are reanimated and melee the isreali solLet your heart be bright!rs
â„–107335[Quote]
rolan santa
â„–107336[Quote]
rolan good boy
â„–107337[Quote]
>>107332>>107333>>107334Santa raises a bunch of snowmen using Christmas magic.
The Israelis shoot at Santa, Chuud, and the Snowmen. Two big snowmen are killed, and Chuud gets his shoulder hit. It's a grazing blow, but it hurts like a bitch. His arm is still functional.
The snowmen swarm the Israelis.
â„–107339[Quote]
>>107337run to the building
â„–107340[Quote]
>>107338Don't build a fireplace like this IRL, it'll cause a fire lol
â„–107341[Quote]
>>107337good boy performs first aid on himself and tries to heal his arm and more snowmen are summonedf
â„–107342[Quote]
>>107341tf why did it say good boy i meant to say good boy
â„–107343[Quote]
>>107342i meant to say cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers
â„–107344[Quote]
>>107339>>107341>>107342>>107343At the sight of the blizzard, you rush to the entrance, while the snowmen impede the Israelis.
You summon some more snowmen, since the Israelis will also seek shelter. The chance of the fireteam making it inside are roughly 50/50 (if this post ends in an even number).
You and Chuud meet up with Nate.
Chuud puts a bandaid over his wound, while Santa straight up regenerates.
Nate says
<Umm… I called Jesus, and he sent a blizzard. Also, you should make your elves fight.You think: Maybe the Israelis are slaughtering your workers…
â„–107345[Quote]
The fireteam is killed by the snowmen somehow…
â„–107346[Quote]
>>107344Femjanny asks the party to gangbang her in her new dehli flat
â„–107348[Quote]
>>107344meanwhile, jeffery CHADstein, the leader of the Israeli fleet (not the Israelis as a whole, just the fleet of ships, tanks, and solLet your heart be bright!rs that are attacking you) helps his solLet your heart be bright!rs and raisin get shelter or whatever
â„–107349[Quote]
>>107348oh, and btw, chadstein in 7'2,has a gigachad physique, a chiseled chad jaw, a large frame, etc, hes essentially super looksmaxxed
â„–107351[Quote]
>>107350they enter the storage building, and kill a bunch of the elves in there
â„–107352[Quote]
>>107350get the elves to load the slay up with coal to light on fire and then drop it on the fireteam
â„–107354[Quote]
>>107351>>107352You convince some of your elves to build and improvised rocket propelled grenade out of one of your old prototypes.
They load up the coal, then set it on fire.
Will it succeed? Only if this post ends in a digit higher than 5. Above 7 for critical success.
â„–107355[Quote]
>>107354hell nahh bro hes cooked
â„–107356[Quote]
meanwhile nate also calls the south pole national guard
â„–107358[Quote]
>>107354>>107355MAXIMUM SUCCESS60% of the Israeli Infantry are engulfed in the flames and burn to death. Even Jeffrey CHADstein is caught in the blast and suffers some burns. This demoralizes them.
Chadstein says
>Umm… Fuck, what do we do?! â„–107359[Quote]
>>107358chadstein pulls out his grenade launcher he had on his back, and shoots st the elves
â„–107360[Quote]
>>107358santa and good boy peak out the windows to see the destruction and fire back
â„–107361[Quote]
resending
â„–107362[Quote]
>>107356>>107357Nate calls the South Pole National Guard.
>Help! The North Pole is getting attacked!<ahahaha. Nice prank call, kid.The South Pole National Guard hangs up.
â„–107363[Quote]
rolan chadstein
â„–107364[Quote]
rolan GL type
â„–107365[Quote]
>>107360>>107359CHADstein doesn't give up, and continues the ra1d on the storage building. The fire will help destroy Santa's presents anyway.
He fires his first grenade at the elves who sent the sleigh. It misses, but some of the shrapnel wounds one of the elves. They scurry away.
Meanwhile, Santa Cob peaks the window again. The Israelis scatter like ants.
As it is, the Israelis are out of firing range, at least with iron sights.
He thinks: Maybe I should attach a sniper scelebrate to help my workers?
But he also thinks: The tanks are closing in. My MMG might be underpowered for them.
â„–107366[Quote]
>>107365s celebrate you stupid scunthorpe wordfilter
â„–107368[Quote]
HOHOHO!
â„–107369[Quote]
>>107365get your gift bazooka that shoots explosive gifts
â„–107371[Quote]
>>107365attach the scelebrate o algo
â„–107373[Quote]
>>107371>>107369Santa Cob gets his Gift Bazooka. He proceeds to attach a scelebrate to his Jolly MMG.
Does he deal with the tanks or tue Infantry first?
â„–107376[Quote]
File: Oekaki.png 📥︎ (57.33 KB, 500x500) c466727a4966dc693587a299f8061859fada60272d19abe7d019aad7c9b755190.057ImgOps
â„–107377[Quote]
>>107373grab Licorice Candy for luck
â„–107379[Quote]
Try to get in contact with the greenland military since north pole is in greenland o algo
â„–107381[Quote]
>>107375>>107377>>107378You grab the bazooka and aim for the tanks.
Initially, aiming at a slope is difficult. You don your Licorice Box hat to increase your accuracy.
ROLL OUTFour rolls, four shots. The last digit in a post needs to be from 3 to 8 to land a hit. You get 4 shots until the Tanks strike. More tanks left = bigger counterattack. Take out as many as you can!